EU FICTION

Beyond the boundaries of established science an avalanche of exotic ideas compete for our attention. Experts tell us that these ideas should not be permitted to take up the time of working scientists, and for the most part they are surely correct. But what about the gems in the rubble pile? By what ground-rules might we bring extraordinary new possibilities to light?
Poppa Tom
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:05 pm

EU FICTION

Unread post by Poppa Tom » Thu May 21, 2020 11:07 pm

-ZORG at Cultural Dinner

Zorg looked at Golg, not in the eye, he did not want to loose another arm, but at his mandible, and watched it vibrate as Golg turned and looked at Zorg, in his eye. He could, he had fought Zorg and defeated him by eating his arm from his claw to his wrist to his forearm to his joint and on and on. Taking a bite and chewing until he could swallow the chunks of meat and bone one bite at a time until his arm was gone.

“Hurt bad.” Zorg remembered, his left inner lid twitched.

Golg yelled, he could, he had defeated every one of his crew to get his command and had entirely eaten two complete crew members. It only made the work that much less difficult-there would be no challenges for his rule. Needless to say Golg always valued his Og.

“ZOOOOORG!” Golg yelled unnecessarily. Zorg was standing directly in front of Golg. “ZORRRRRRRGGGGG” he yelled again, insulting Zorg this time by giving him the goh at the end of Zorgs name an extra push and clacking his mandible at the end was almost too much to bear for poor ‘One Claw” Zorg. Everyone hissed their approval and the spirit of the entire crew picked up.

“Zorg” Is the microwave ready?”

In Zorg’s behalf, I have to tell you he was totally unprepared. Having just been verbally assaulted by the captain and crew, the two neurons he used to think with were focused entirely on his own self pity, he knew he was in trouble.

“Zorg”, Golg whispered. Everyone on deck froze and dared not look. The captain does not whisper…ever!
“Zorg”, He spoke louder and deeper now. Zorg was blinking his inner eyelids and the left one was twitching, he shrunk unconsciously. “Ahhhhh Zorg, what will I do with you? Can’t eat you, you taste like pumpa! Bwahahahahahaha!” the crew only chuckled under their breath, the captain had laughed like a hoomaaanitee!!! Golg leaned over the now cowering Zorg, saliva dripping on Zorg’s Breema and into his mandible, it’s gravy in Golg’s eyes!!! His mandible opened and said hissingly.(Yeah it’s a word. I just made it up.)

“Issssss the microwafffffe rheadhhhhy?” The corner of Golg’s mandible vibrated slowly as the flaps fluttered in his frustration.

Zorg’s left eyelid was completely closed now-an ancient defensive mechanism meant to protect the eye but was now a hindrance to his life. “SIR! I just checked at 19788 and it was ready sir!” and Zorg closed all his lids, anticipating death but…..nothing happened! It was 13908 already which meant the microwave hadn’t been checked in…3 carry the 8……17, over23…!? …..in a long time!
He could smell poompabu and he knew it was him. The flies began collecting around him. (That’s right flies are a universal problem, some idiot from the planet Flysheet, so called after one of them left a ship door open while vacationing on Earth and let them in after which he did a ‘Universe and Back’ tour, thereby infecting THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!!! Whole wars have been fought and billions killed,

“Hahaha what a great feast it was for all!” Zorg thought. “We loose wars but HA! New family…IT....was a good day.”

“GOOD!” Golg yelled, he could, he…..well you know. “Everyone take your positions!!”, orders rang through out the full fleet.

Like a small army of robots they moved, not a comment, not a sound, efficiency at 100%.

Golg never watched the crew work. It gave them the poompabubu’s. He laughed to himself but remained steely-eyed and forward looking, it was the smell of command.

“Ready number one!”
“Ready number two!”
“Ready number poompaaaaa!”
“Every station is awaiting your command Mighty Captain Golg of the Ogladites!!!

Golg let his left spike show through his mandible and stood to face his crew.

“Fleetwide communications.” He ordered and no sooner had the words come out of his mandible the com was activated.

“I. AM CAPTAIN GOLG! I NOW OPEN THE CEREMONY!” He wasn’t much for the ceremony.
He walked over to the wall, eyeing all the switches on the wall he read them off, one at a time.
“Baby chamber…check….
fuel…check……
watuh…check,
aaaaahhhhhh here we are, microwave.” and he pressed the button marked, 'microwave'.

The entire population of fourteen trillion Ogladites stared out their portholes and stared. No one dared look away, lest they are eaten by crowds of angry Golgomite followers. Nothing happened! Ships turned off coms in order to save their own lives when the crewmen would gasp openly at the utter failure.
It had happened before with the freighter OGG Big Poompaa(The Captain always put poompa in their names when written for history), so OGG had forgotten to downcom, and was crispy fried by a flash of cosmic lightning from the mothership, along with its crew of thirty-five thousand in an instant, leaving not so much as a whisper of plasma in its wake.

Golg would frown if he could. No one hissed but he knew what they were thinking. He growled and everyone put on their best innocent position, eyelids up, all of them..

He forgot.
He forgot he had used it the last time and had not rebooted it for the reset!
His mandible clacked unconsciously. There was not a hiss amongst the Ogladites, lucky for them. He re-set the switch and threw it in the same motion, hoping no one would suspect (but they all knew).

You see, the hoomanitees (human beings) had suspected the secrets of the universe lay in its gravitational physics and had rudely ignored the electrical universe and all its hypotheses and truly simple rules regarding electricity. They never knew, so they had no chance.

At the moment Captain Golg threw the switch, the giant capacitor known as Earth turned on and cooked over twenty billion human beings in the blink of an eye.


“LET’S EAT!!!!” Captain Golg yelled over the com and near a trillion ships descended on the twenty thousand Earth years celebration! Last time they came the meat was a little tough so they’ve been seasoning the atmosphere for centuries.

Poppa Tom
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:05 pm

Re: EU FICTION

Unread post by Poppa Tom » Fri May 22, 2020 1:31 am

Zorg Remember Before
by Thomas Jelf


Zorg remembered now, how , before there was no lunch. Before only fight, eat lousy gator meeet. (hoomannn term)hooman sweet meat, gator yuk. No matter how many times go back for lunch on urt(hoooman name for home) New hooomans always call Zorg people, gatormeeet. Themmm red hair taste like chicken.

Zorg remember when only walk around in mud.

Whole world, only gator meeet and mud, suxx(hooman term). Seeem to meeen bad, so Zorg identify.
Suxx. Wet, coldcoldcold. Zorg hard to move, everything thick. Dark. Big Blboomba come and eat Zorg babies, make me hide under mud. Big Blboomba poompa on Zorg, cannot move or get eaten too. Badbadbad. Zorg will have no mate till smell gone. No one like Blboomba and Zorg smell like him leftovers. Zorg sad. No babies, no mate...soon, no Zorg too.

One fire God!!! Wake up warrrrm. Run fasssss all over, except Blboomba. Zorg crawl under mud fasssss. Blboomba poompa again on Zorg. Zorg beginning to think Blboomba knows Zorg under mud. Zorg smelled like poompa of Blboomba....hmmm wonder if is how Blboompa get name. Boomba-poompa, almost sound same glglglglglglglglg, Zorg laugh-NOT TO BLBOOMPA. No one laugh Blboompa, big teeth. Zorg, remember-sharp, hurts. Skin still soft from time Blboomba find Zorg. Blboomba chew verrrry slowwwwly. Zorg remember tail fall off and save Zorg life...Zorg has new tail but all other Blboombites(Blboomba biggest so name clan) laugh at Zorg, say, “ZORG PUTPUT!glglglglglglglg!!!” Zorg would crawl under rock but already am!

One, ONE FIRE GOD time look like fire come to us and fall on ground! Gift from One Fire God!!! Very hurt all eyes close! ZORG cannot see!! Cannot sse......oh, can see! Zorg think end of world but new fooooood fall from One Fire God in sky. Zorg no eat....get too close get eaten. Very large Blboombabites there.

Poppa Tom
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:05 pm

Re: EU FICTION

Unread post by Poppa Tom » Fri May 22, 2020 1:32 am

Zorg on vacation


Zorg am Urt, many many different fud here. Gud Mud, skin very soft. Here come fud. Many many many!!! First time Zorg come to Urt for vacation Zorg wait at edge of water, many many fud come. Trample Zorg! Glglglglglg! Zorg remember many many feet on head glglglglglg! Zorg wake up everything hurt-bad.....bad wait by river, watch backwards brother. Zorg wait back. Wait, wait, water full of fud get food from edges, Zorg learn! Glglglglglg! Glglglglhuh!!? Ow! Ow! OOOOWWWWWWooooooo! Zorg foot caught! OWOWOWOWOW HURT BAD!!! Oh, ok now.....is backward brother. Eat foot!! Not gud! Not gud!!! Zorg get food from ship now-keep foot.

Poppa Tom
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:05 pm

Re: EU FICTION

Unread post by Poppa Tom » Fri May 22, 2020 1:33 am

Me Am Who Me Am

Zorg Poetry
by hisss fran: Thomas Jelf

Zorg is hatched from litto egg
Zorg run under rock
Other hatchling run too slow
is now poomba bock(isss word, I jus' make, glglglglglg haaaaa)!??

poomba poo you have become
You are still Zorgs brother
But Zorg will go somewhere else
brother stink like poomba poo.....Zorg have no fancy rhyme here

Zorg am hongry, end stupid poem
run into mud
What you expect
Zorg am pilot

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